Author Kyle Perkins

Bizarre Interviews with Kyle Perkins-Week 6.

By Kyle Perkins.


This week we have V Kelly Author with us. I don’t know too much about her yet, so I guess we will meet her as a team. SCORE!


Question 1: So, what do you write?
I write a little bit of everything. Currently, I’m focusing on Erotic Romantic Comedies. I like delving into the funny parts of sex. Awkward blowjobs, accidental nut punches–you get the idea. I also write Contemporary romances, but most of my books have a little bit of funny in there.
Question 2: Well, all sex is awkward when you think about it. Could you imagine witnessing it without being horny? It would be just two bodies mashing together with their tongues out looking really stupid. Aliens are not going to take pity on us. Speaking of awkward blowjobs, are you a method writer? =D

Do you mean am I a method writer specifically in awkward blow jobs or in my writing in general? As for blow jobs,isn’t the saying practice makes perfect? ? I think the writing feels real if you can convey a convincing scene, but alas, I can honestly say most of my racy scenes are blown out of proportion on purpose to make them funny. But I do put a little of me in each of my stories, whether it be my quirks, or likes and dislikes, it makes me an open book literally.

Question 3: No, I mean, what are you doing this weekend? =D So, do you ever pull scenes from real life, things you have done? Or is it all a product of your imagination?
lol, it’s mostly a product of my imagination. Although there are scenes coming up in a new book that are based off real life events. Run ins with a CBC – Cock-blocking cat, a hilarious scene at a restaurant that actually happened when I met some of my readers in Orlando in April. Sometimes I will use real life if it’s funny, but most of the time everything comes from the depths of my warped and perverted mind.
Question 4: I am immune to cock blocking cats. I’ll stare right into their eyes and finish. Aside from writing about cats and banging, what are some of your other hobbies?
that just sounds awful… just for the record I do not write about banging cats. Lol. I’m kind of a nerd actually. I watch a lot of movies, collect Pop! figures, I also format and do the covers on all of my books. Other than that I’m an introvert homebody that pretty much writes all the time.
Question 5: Well now I am associating you with cat banging, and I’m highly aroused. I’m a bit of an introvert too, and spend 90% of my life daydreaming about the apocalypse. Okay, let’s get down to the hard hitting questions. Would you rather bang Carrot Top or Clint Howard?
The fact you get aroused by cat banging makes me question whether to get you Furry costume for Christmas. Maybe a cat one? The “zombie” apocalypse is coming. Although, I’m lacking on my cardio and will probably be eaten within a day. I need to condition more. Carrot Top… I have always had a thing for red heads.
Question 6: I don’t get aroused by cats per say, just barbed penises. Or penii? I don’t know the plural form of penis. I feel ashamed, and dirty. Okay, so out of all of your characters, which one would you cheat on your s/o with?
Um ouch I feel sorry for any orifice that your penis comes in contact with if that is the case. I see immediate pain in your future, just FYI.
Is there a orgy option… one big man sandwich and me sounds good… but if I have to choose it probably be Sid, he’s a rocker and I’d love to “Rock him like a hurricane”.
Question 7: So you’re into man sandwiches? I can arrange that. Speaking of music, what do you listen to when you write? Or are you one of those weirdos that need silence?

Haha, pretty sure a man sandwich would get me into trouble. I listen to my entire music list on repeat, currently I’m on a Skillet fix. I’m partial to rock and 80’s hairband music, but I have everything on my play list. Country, rap, if you name it, I probably downloaded it. I find silence only makes all the voices talk at once, and that makes for one chaotic story. So music helps dull the noise by making noise. If that makes any sense?

Question 8: If you were forced to go back in time to when Hitler was a child, would you save him from a murderer that was trying to kill him? Keep in mind at this point he is just an innocent child.
If I knew what I knew now I would do nothing and let the murderer get him. That way I’m not involved, I just made a choice to not intervene. If I didn’t know what I know now, the softie in me would definitely save the child.
Question 9: You just caused a Holocaust in an alternate universe. Shame! So what do you think of the political landscape of Zanzibar?
Fuck off ? Cause I seriously don’t know how to answer that one jk. I apologize for my alternate universe holocaust though, I promise to become a sniper and take out the older version of himself to rectify the situation immediately.
Question 10: Good, because if you did know how to answer that, it would be pretty awkward. I have no follow up questions for it. Where do you see yourself in five years? Pretend it isn’t in a man sandwich gangbang of cats.

bahaha, I really hope in five years to be a more well known author… it be nice to a best-seller attached to my name. One of these days I’d really like to be able to stay home and just write full time. That’s the dream right? Pipe dreams can be within reach if you have really long arms or can jump really high. Unfortunately, I was blessed with T-rex arms and can’t even reach my dashboard in my car if I have my seat belt on, and don’t even get me started on my jumping skills they aren’t pretty. jk But I truly would love more people to read my books, my goal is to bring laughter to the masses.

Question 11: Short arms just makes you easier to tie up.  For reasons. So since you write fuck comedies, tell me your funniest joke. =D

Only if I’m blind-folded first. ? lol In my book world or in general? Because outside of the book world I’m not funny, just filled with random outbursts of hilarious comebacks. I would say my funniest line from a book is… “Honey, if you have to take notes on giving me a blow job, then we have more problems than just your virginity going on here.” Sid, from my book Pop!

Question 12: Virgins are always funny. When I lost mine, it took about 3 seconds, but the shame lasted for years. So do you have any hardcore devoted fans yet? The kind that you find outside of your bathroom window forming calluses on their hands?
I have some very devoted fans, no bathroom stalker yet, but you never know . . . they could be there and I just don’t see them. I love all my fans, and digital stalking is encouraged. I love interacting and meeting new people. Online I’m a social butterfly, outside of the internet box I’m a shy introvert until you get me around other crazy introverts.
Question 13: This is unrelated, but sorry if I left a mess outside of your bathroom window. So what’s been your worst experience as an author?

That was you? You got really high aim ? took me months to clean your mess off my bricks. I’d say my worst experience was my first 1 star review. Now first, I must say I am not opposed to 1 star reviews, I actually embrace them and think they make you stronger, but this particular one came from an old critique partner of mine that tried to disguise herself. When I figured out who she was, it hurt because someone is supposed to be a friend, and then they try to sabotage your books on purpose for whatever reason. But you know, each star only makes you stronger as an author in my opinion.

Question 14: I haven’t had a one star review yet, which is shocking considering the amount of people that hate me for seemingly no reason. =D But when I do get one, I imagine whoever rates it that will be a huge cunt. Would you rather be immortal but live in isolation, or be the world’s biggest celebrity but only live ten more years?

Eww the c-word. ? I’d have to pick immortal in isolation. I’m introvert remember? I’d hate to be a big celebrity and never have any time to myself. So yes, let me live forever ?

Question 15: Pardon my c-word. It was needed for emphasis. I’ll not say cunt again. Last question, would you rather be forced to watch Twilight over and over for the rest of your life, or have one gang bang with a team of Danny Devito clones?
Twilight. I’m not opposed to the movies. I own them all. They are fun to make fun of, who doesn’t love a sparkly, constipated vampire. It’s like FSOG I love the movie, but i spent 95 percent of the time making fun of it. I’m sorry, but if you’re gonna tell me that you’re going to spank me because I bite my lip at least make me believe you… gotta feel the dominance. No offense to Danny Devito, who is an awesome actor, but I’m too much of a batman fan to get close to the Penguin like that.

Check out more from V Kelly!


#freekindleunlimited #funny #bananajokes #Live #romanticcomedy #romance #LOL #5star

“Holy mother of God! Is that thing real?”
Sid smiles proudly. “As real as you’re going to get.”
“That thing . . . well . . . that thing is huge!”
“That thing is my dick and would prefer not to be treated like a monster.”


A sex contract seemed like a good idea, until she fell in love.

When Symone Esquire fails to woo her best friend into taking her virginity, his rejection is the catalyst that inspires her to create a sex contract with a local legend, a man nicknamed “The Cherry Popper”, to take her virginity instead.

Sid Cooperton is used to being solicited for sex, being the lead singer of a local rock band does have its perks . . . but when the nerdy, yet intriguing, Symone approaches him with a proposition to take her virginity in exchange for his college tutoring. It’s simply an offer he can’t refuse—even if his reputation for being a virginity exterminator is grossly exaggerated.

Symone wasn’t expecting anything more than a business relationship with Sid, but she soon realizes there’s so much more to her sex tutor than just sex. Matters become even more complicated when her once uninterested best friend, suddenly wants to take their relationship to the next level like she always wanted.

With the relationship she’s always dreamed of within her reach, Symone must make a decision: choose her best friend, the man she’s been in love with her whole life, or choose Sid, the man who has suddenly become the subject of all her fantasies.

The contract has been signed: Symone’s virginity for Sid’s B average.

It was supposed to be simple, until she broke his only rule.

This book contains sexual situations, and language that may not be suitable for anyone under the age of 18.

Get it: Here.

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