Bizarre Interviews with Kyle Perkins-Week 4.

By Kyle Perkins.

 

Sorry for the delay, guys! Today’s interview is with Melissa Robitille. I got a week behind, but all is well again. Let’s jump right in.

 

Question 1: So, who are you? What do you write?

I’m Melissa Robitille, author, editor, book interior designer, book cover designer… workaholic. I write urban fantasy, science fiction, horror, and paranormal romance.

Question 2: Book interior designer? What in the fuck is that?

I make the inside of your print book (and ebook) look pretty. That’s usually page numbering, making sure the chapter headings look nice, making sure you don’t have weird extra spaces at the top or bottom of the page, etc. If you’ve ever seen a book with chapters that start with a large drop cap, a book interior designer did that.

Question 3: Well, well. Fancy. Now we know you on surface value, let’s get into the hard hitting questions. What’s your favorite video game?

The Elder Scrolls – Oblivion. I have yet to get bored enough with it to move on to Skyrim.

Question 4: Jesus Christ. You’re missing out on so much. Skyrim is amazing, though Oblivion was pretty kick ass too. If you had to pick a video game character to give a blowie to, who would you pick?

I’m of two minds on that… on the smoking hot end of the scale is Dragon Age Inquisition’s Blackwall (mmmm…. yum), and on the pity-blowie end is Leisure Suit Larry. Poor dear’s absolutely inept.

Question 5: I’d pick Blackwall myself, of the two, gun to head. My favorite though, would be Anders. So, now that we know which person you’d blow from vidya games, what’s your most embarrassing experience that you wish you could erase from history?

That’s a tough one – I humiliate myself on a fairly regular basis. If I could change one chain of events I would never have gotten involved with one particular ex – that cost me everything *and* is humiliating.

Question 6: If you had to choose for your kids to be raised by one of these people, who would you choose? Ramsay Bolton, Hannibal Lecter, Norman Bates, Amon Goeth, or Sauron?

Hmmm… I’d have to go with Ramsay Bolton – for all his faults he *appears* to be loyal to family…

Question 7: Ramsay is definitely my favorite character from the series. So outside of book related shit, what are some of your hobbies?

I draw, paint, sew, knit, embroider, tat lace, cook, game, & dance… ?

Question 8: Dance? Like in front of the mirror? On stage? Or clinging to a pole?

LOL! As often as not in my kitchen while cooking and listening to music, but I’ve also been known to clear a dance floor with a damned good mambo or steamy salsa, given the right dance partner.

Question 9: Damn, I was really hoping it was the pole. *Discreetly slides lotion back under pillow* Where is the weirdest place you’ve ever had sex?

You do have a talent for asking the tough questions, don’t you… The snowbank gets the nod for being most *uncomfortable*, and there were a whole lot of seriously trashy places…. but weirdest was probably halfway out the kitchen window at the Johnson State College college apartments – but I *was* a newlywed at the time.

Question 10: Don’t sweat it, I once got a BJ on some prehistoric dinosaur tracks in Texas. It was a prehistoric, historic BJ. What is the weirdest sexual attraction you’ve ever had? One that you’d be embarrassed to share with your family and friends? (They won’t see this, I promise! =D)

Weirdest? I once said with absolute conviction that I would screw Terry Pratchett for his brains alone. One of the strange things that happens to a sapiophile. ?

Question 11: No judgement. *Judges silently* So, being an editor, do authors ever turn their work in for you to edit, and you’re like “Seriously, what in the fuck is this shit?”

Absolutely. The thing is, most of “my” authors are referred to me through word of mouth, so they’re almost recommended to me by a person I know can write – so “my” authors are excellent storytellers. However, I will not-so-silently judge their past school teachers for allowing someone with so poor a grasp on grammar and spelling out of third grade.

Question 12: So, have you fantasized about any of “your” authors? =D

LOL! Well, not the ladies – I just bitch that it’s entirely unfair that they’re all prettier than I am… you’d think I’d get ONE homely author. The gents will simply have to forgive me for the occasional thought in that direction… brains are terribly sexy.

Question 13: You’ll have to introduce me to a few. The ladies, I mean. If you had to eat one of these things for the rest of your life to get daily sustenance, which would you choose? Spiders, live puppies, or slugs?

Eeewwww… Spiders.

Question 14: What’s worse, a hundred random humans dying, or a piece of historic literature burning to ashes?

This is a *bad* question to ask of a bookworm still mourning the burning of the Library of Alexandria. If forced to make the choice personally, I would choose to save the random humans because my conscience would force me to, but if both happened I would mourn the loss of the literature more.

Question 15: Well, it was fun having you, Melissa. Last question, if you could write in any beautiful public place on the planet, where would you choose? Example: Machu Picchu. Twist: You have to be naked the entire time.

Ah hah… easy one. The Louvre. I could pass myself off as nihilistic installation art, and look at all the art while I’m about it. ? Either that or Chichen Itza – it would at least be warm enough to be comfortable starkers. ?
And thanks for having me! ?
Want to see more from Melissa?

You can preorder her latest book “Love Potion #9: 14 Paranormal Romances” here.

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