by Kyle Perkins
Time for our weekly Bizarre Interview! This week we have the amazing Virginia Johnson!
Question 1: So, what kind of stuff do you write?
Question 2: What is your idea of a horrible date?
Question 3: Do you put out on the first date? lol.
Question 4: On a scale of 1-Mortified, how embarrassed would you be if someone dug up a photo of the worst guy you ever dated?
Question 5: Okay, enough about dating, I was just trying to see my chances here. Which of your characters do you share the most traits with? Why?
Question 6: If you were to go back to high school tomorrow and you had to choose, what stupid clique would you be in?
Question 7: Is there any reason you’d ever murder someone?
Question 8: Finish this sentence: Kyle Perkins should be president because _________
Question 9: Okay, I was totally kidding by the way. Let’s get to the hard hitting stuff. Who is better at interviews, me, Oprah, or Barbara Walters?
Question 10: Follow up: So are you only a sexist or is it a race thing, too?
Question 11: If the apocalypse hit right now and you had to flee your house, what would you take with you? Only what you can grab in one trip.
Question 12: Most embarrassing sex moment?
Question 13: Wear pubes on your face for one day, or grow an actual beard that you have to shave every day?
Question 14: How does this make you feel?
*closes interview, opens app, swears at my phone for not loading fast enough, catches that bitch like a boss* I feel like I have enough Rattata, but I guess another won’t hurt. Hehe
Question 15: If you had to convince one famous gay guy to bang you in order to save the planet, who would you hit on? (This is in no way related to the plot of my next novel and any similarities are purely coincidence.)
Neil Patrick Harris. No question. We could play doctor, go to White Castle, he can sing. What’s not to love? I can pretend he’s straight if he can. Now, back to the ‘next novel’ part of your question. I have questions now.
Question 16: Next round, yes or no only. Without looking them up, do you know what these are? Dirty Sanchez, Alaskan Pipeline, Yogurt Dispenser.
Question 17: Follow up, have you sought treatment for your weird porn addiction?
I wouldn’t call it an addiction. I call it research… And
Kyle: Click on this link
Kyle: Wait for it.
Me: *Should’ve checked the comments first. Bastard.*
For the record, any woman tells you she doesn’t watch porn… She’s lying. Sorry ladies.
Want to see more of Virginia? She just released a new book called Vindicate, you should definitely check it out, along with her debut book, Soulless Nights.