Bizarre Interviews with Kyle Perkins-Week 3.

by Kyle Perkins

 

 

 

Time for our weekly Bizarre Interview! This week we have the amazing Virginia Johnson!

Question 1: So, what kind of stuff do you write?

I write erotica, suspense and horror. Dabbling a little in sci-fi.

Question 2: What is your idea of a horrible date?

Hmmm… Being forced to spend any amount of valuable time with someone that has no personality or sense of humor. Basically, I’d rather drive thru at Taco-Bell with someone that makes me laugh rather than dine in at an expensive steak place with someone I imagine drowning as they talk.

Question 3: Do you put out on the first date? lol.

Not a chance in hell. A man has to earn that trust. If I have no idea where your dick has been, I’m not going anywhere near it. Besides… I’m not easy.

Question 4: On a scale of 1-Mortified, how embarrassed would you be if someone dug up a photo of the worst guy you ever dated?

1… I haven’t dated outside of highschool. Bring it on.

Question 5: Okay, enough about dating, I was just trying to see my chances here. Which of your characters do you share the most traits with? Why?

Oh boy… Probably Aspen – Aside from the homicidal tendencies. She’s tough but still sweet. She tolerates no bullshit, but gives everyone a chance to correct their mistakes. I have been in an abusive relationship in my past, I know what it’s like to be weak, but I came out stronger and with more fight.

Question 6: If you were to go back to high school tomorrow and you had to choose, what stupid clique would you be in?

The same one I was in… I was a band geek. Lol.

Question 7: Is there any reason you’d ever murder someone?

Yes. Self defense or abusing my kids. I’ll put a bullet through your skull and think about the consequences later.

Question 8: Finish this sentence: Kyle Perkins should be president because _________

Politics, huh? Shit. Because he’s confident, well spoken, honest, opinionated (to a fault), takes no shit, capable of a decent debate and women between 18 and 60 think he’s hot. Well, it’s true. Would be the largest female voter turn out in history. Haha.

Question 9: Okay, I was totally kidding by the way. Let’s get to the hard hitting stuff. Who is better at interviews, me, Oprah, or Barbara Walters?

You. I’m not convinced either Oprah or Barbara Walters are actually interviewers. People are paid really well to make them look like super stars. They should be collecting the fat check.

Question 10: Follow up: So are you only a sexist or is it a race thing, too?

Fuck off.

Question 11: If the apocalypse hit right now and you had to flee your house, what would you take with you? Only what you can grab in one trip.

Ok… Canned food, water bottles, matches or lighters, warm clothes, sharp knives, toilet paper, seed packets, car keys and my kids. Any and every thing else in my way is a liability, dead weight or food.

Question 12: Most embarrassing sex moment?

This question sucks. Haven’t had any. I’m a realist, I guess. If you have sex in a car, someone will drive by. If you choke or gag, your make up will look like shit. Sex is overall a series of embarrassing moments that you either regret (making them embarrassing) or accept (making it memorable).

Question 13: Wear pubes on your face for one day, or grow an actual beard that you have to shave every day?

Actual beard… Are you fucking kidding? I’m shaving other body parts anyways.

Question 14: How does this make you feel?

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*closes interview, opens app, swears at my phone for not loading fast enough, catches that bitch like a boss* I feel like I have enough Rattata, but I guess another won’t hurt. Hehe

Question 15: If you had to convince one famous gay guy to bang you in order to save the planet, who would you hit on? (This is in no way related to the plot of my next novel and any similarities are purely coincidence.)

Neil Patrick Harris. No question. We could play doctor, go to White Castle, he can sing. What’s not to love? I can pretend he’s straight if he can. Now, back to the ‘next novel’ part of your question. I have questions now.

Question 16: Next round, yes or no only. Without looking them up, do you know what these are? Dirty Sanchez, Alaskan Pipeline, Yogurt Dispenser.

Yes.

Question 17: Follow up, have you sought treatment for your weird porn addiction?

I wouldn’t call it an addiction. I call it research… And

Kyle: Click on this link

Me: OK

Kyle: Wait for it.

Me: *Should’ve checked the comments first. Bastard.*

For the record, any woman tells you she doesn’t watch porn… She’s lying. Sorry ladies.

Want to see more of Virginia? She just released a new book called Vindicate, you should definitely check it out, along with her debut book, Soulless Nights.

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Links

Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/AuthorVirginiaJohnson/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/AuthorVJohnson

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/charmedchic24/

Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Virginia-L-Johnson/e/B01E88KI5Q/ref=ntt_dp_epwbk_0

Newsletter: http://tinyletter.com/VirginiaLeeJohnson

Doctrine of Indecency: 18 Coveted Tales of Lust – mybook.to/DocofInd
Vindicate – Here.
Soulless Nights – Here.

 

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