Bizarre Interviews with Kyle Perkins-Week 15.

by Kyle Perkins.

This week we have the amazing Brianna West with us. She’s a good sport, so let’s get started.

Question 1: So, who are you, and what do you write?

Well, hello there…I’m the sexy and super awesome Brianna West. I write paranormal/fantasy romance that is heavy in action, sexy hunks, feisty heroines, and coupled with enough humor to keep you laughing all the way through!

Question 2: Totally unrelated, but I see that you’re having a baby soon. Congratulations! On an unrelated note… Totally unrelated, I super promise… How do you approach a fellow author/friend about getting them to mail you breast milk? Again, totally unrelated to you. Totally.

Well, depends on how much they are willing to pay me, and if they plan to use it for fetish means…world domination…or just purely as cream in their coffee….would this unrelated person be in this very room, hmm?

Question 3: Fetish means? Of course not. It’s for a… er… baby I found. Get your mind out of the gutter, West. So, I also see you’re married. Given the choice between banging your husband, or the sexiest character from your books, who would you choose? Keep in mind, we’ll know if you’re lying.

I clearly love my husband…but let’s be frank here, I get a free pass because it’s considered a celebrity to bang my sexiest character from my books…Hubby is under no misunderstanding here…it’d be a hot, sordid night filled with screams and passion that is levels above appropriate for a first sexual encounter and he’d turn a blind eye…because…obviously…

Question 4: Would you let your husband bang the hottest female character from your books under the same circumstances? Also, would he?

Hmm, well, being as I like to believe myself pretty cool and level-headed and clearly not the double-standard type of woman. No….absolutely not. Are you kidding me? I’m obviously the best he’ll ever have. No sense in proving that with an illicit affair. But hubby wouldn’t, because he goes to bed by 9pm and isn’t the sort of adventure-seeking, dog-house-staying sort of hubby.

Question 5: Okay, that one actually had me laughing. Does he read you your work? What’s he think of it?

Okay, that’s actually a funny story. Yes…for like…three or four pages. He really, really tried, but I think being inside my main character Izzy’s head, who I ironically modeled a lot after myself, was a little too scary for him. Poor dude. He really did try, but all the glistening muscle, hottie alerts, and smacking noises probably set him off the path of reading any of my work in the future.

Question 6: Yeah, I haven’t met a single female author yet where their husband can. I might find that couple though, eventually. I do know some authors that read their work and then their husband/bf benefits from the sudden onset of horniness. Which is pretty awesome. Anyway, I’m rambling. So you sing… Why did you choose writing over singing as a career path?

Because American Idol never called me back. Those bastards. Haha, just kidding (or am I?). I didn’t really choose it over singing. I still sing…you know, randomly in public areas and somehow collect coins from the unfortunate bystanders in that immediate vicinity. But writing I can do and market for myself without any real obstacle. Singing isn’t really one of those things that you can just go out and grab…unless…you know, those bastards would call me back.

Question 7: Have you always wanted to be an author, or did you have other plans?

I never imagined I’d be an author. When I published, it was a surprise to all of us…including me. I had hoped to be a dinosaur one day…but my high school teacher totally knocked down my dream of ever becoming one. So, I went after the more realistic dream of mommy and stumbled upon writing in my spare time.

Question 8: So when you’re not writing and momming, what do you get up to? Hopefully it’s hanging out and drinking with me near Tampa, and not checking to see if your drink has had its seal cracked. =)

Hmm, I don’t drink with strange men that look like they may or may not drag me into a dark corner and shank me, but sweet that you mentioned it. I actually love to draw as well as sing in my spare time. And when I’m not doing those, I have been known to play video games that allow me to drive over innocent bystanders, shoot unsuspecting victims, and make the car move with a prostitute I picked up……..if you don’t know that game, we can’t be friends.

Question 9: I do know that game, and EVERY GAME EVER. Looks like we can be friends. Also, I wouldn’t shank you… With a knife. Though I am more of a Witcher, Mass Effect, Elder Scrolls, Fallout, Half Life, Dragon Age, Dead Space fan. =) So, which of your books is your favorite, and which do you dislike the most?

Don’t do this to me, Kyle…you can’t mention Dragon Age and Elder Scrolls and not let me fangirl for a second over how much I loved those…and how I loved them before anyone else, dammit. And onward to your question…I don’t pick favorites………..but when I do, it will always be my most awesome book, which is Awakening, hands down. And I love all my work. I don’t care how that makes me sound. These are my babies and I’ll never hate them. They’re my preciouseseses….

Question 10: Actually, I liked them first. Unless you played Arena. =D …And alright, so you’re modest. I like that in a lady. Now, would you bang Donald Trump for a million dollars?

Hold on a second. I just vomited in my mouth. Why, no, Kyle…Orangutan isn’t really what I’m attracted to. A million dollars wouldn’t pay for the therapy I’d need. Pretty sure I might be found banging Santa much sooner than I did a monkey. Bestiality is where I draw the line, and at least Santa might hook me up with a super awesome stereo system for all the video games I’ve loved way before you did, because I was beating little boys like you at Counter Strike and Battlefield much better than you could play with your Johnson.

Question 11: For one, Santa will not bring you shit with that attitude. For two, I will destroy you so mercilessly in CS that you’ll need to spend more money on therapy than you would have over banging Trump. So what are your favorite TV shows?

Haha, it’s so cute when you get angry and start saying so many things that don’t make sense, Kyle. And my favorite TV shows, you ask? Well…I just recently fell in love with one called Galavant…because…I mean…yes. I enjoy sarcastic assholes, much like you, Kyle, and therefore I love me some House. But I’ve been known to enjoy the girly side of things and tune into Grey’s Anatomy…but for the most part, I love watching any documentary on either dinosaurs or serial killers.

Question 12: Your answers were voided for not mentioning Mr. Robot. What’s your favorite thing about the indie community, and what do you hate the moist? (I did that on purpose.)

Haha, Virginia is going to slaughter you with Aspen in tow. And I love love love! the indie community. Honestly, it’s the people. These fellow authors and readers are always so willing to do whatever they can for you. I mean, yeah, you get a few bad eggs…authors that get on their high-horse or demand their readers review or do things for them, but for the most part, it’s a tremendous group of people all out to get seen.

Question 13: I happen to know you just released a book, mainly from being at the very party where it was released. Tell us a bit about it, so new people know exactly what to purchase when they finish this article.

When Darkness Breaks is my sixth published book and is connected with all my other books for being in the same world as well as the main hero, Simon, is a character from my other series The Promiscus Guardians. In this book, you’ll get to meet Ebony, a high-demon with a pure Light heart, as she desperately tries to escape the prison of the Underworld and make her way through the mortal world and find a purpose with the Promiscus Guardians. Simon, an angel, just so happens to need her to rescue him and it sets them on a path filled with action, intrigue, and yes, romance. It’s the first book in the Underground Guardians series.

Question 14: I love tying books together, mainly through easter eggs(The whole gaming thing). What are your inspirations for your hot male characters, aside from me. I don’t count because I’m doing this interview. Keep it in your pants.

Was my ulterior motive so transparent? I need to work on my poker face. As far as inspirations, mostly the cast of Magic Mike comes to mind…you know, all those abs and dance moves. But really, one of the things I’m most proud of is that my characters have layers and layers of personality. And, it’s been mentioned to me that they feel “real” for all their flaws and super realistic hair styles.

Question 15: My coauthor(lila) raves about your work, so I have heard quite a bit about how good it is. Last question, what’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you?

Like…sexually? Kyle…what sort of perving is this?! Okay, okay, I’ll spill…and also, tell Lila that I love her. So the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me was getting caught by a police officer, no joke, while I was lovingly giving some service to a very nice gentleman whose name I still don’t know. Okay, I know his name, but for the sake of anonymity (and also because my brain doesn’t remember), I won’t tell all you lovely people reading this interview. Basically, we scrambled and somehow managed to make it look like I wasn’t doing anything that may have given this kind officer the impression I was a prostitute. It never made it back to my parents so I will happily never share this interview with them.

 Want to see more from Brianna?

Click here!

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