By Kyle Perkins.
Today we have Nick Oefinger with us! (Sorry I’ve been away, I’ve been working on something cool that I plan to write about in the days to come.)
Question 1: So, who are you, and what do you write?
OH MY GOD I WASN’T READY. JESUS MAN. THE FUCK. Okay, my name is Nick. Some people know me as O. Lordy, Marty, or Simon, due to all of my catfishing. JESUS CHRIST. Fucking brats. Wait, what? Writing. Right. I write smut, dirty dirty low-quality smut, and sometimes I write the best sci-fi/horror… but I show no-one.
Question 2: Righttttttttt. So, back to the low quality smut. What do you consider low quality? Are we talking the “Troma Films,” of smut?
I had to look them up, just now. *downloads everything* Honestly, I’m a little hard on myself, but it’s not exactly To Kill a Mockingbird either. I cater to some of my personal fetishes; I figure that, with the size of the world today, and how interconnected it is, there’s a market for anything. Low-quality is comic book writing, without the comics: it’s the occasional dialogue consisting of an articulated scream, instead of describing someone’s reaction visually. My opinion, anyway. Lazy writing. I love lazy smut.
Question 3: How much of it is inspired by your real life encounters with the underbelly of the internet, and how much is pure fantasy?
Question 4: Are any of the characters in your book based on real people?
Question 5: Well, now that I know that some of your stories are based on real life, I want to know the creepiest, or most deviant thing you’ve done in the past.
Question 6: Oh, yes we do. Bizarre is in the title of these interviews for a reason. People want to live vicariously through the strange fringes of the world.
Question 7: I don’t frown on it. If anything, I have a semi now. Was it like a CL random encounter sort of thing?
Question 8: Okay, I have to know about the feet thing. Seriously, what’s that about? What gets a person turned on when looking at a foot?
Feet are weird. Like, all over the world. Weird. They’re important; we need them to get around. They’re shapely, they’re sensitive, and people obsessively keep them clean. Women decorate them, paint their nails, get them professionally tended to… but show me another body part that generates as much disgust when someone actually focuses on it. Crazy. Your average dude will plug an asshole with four seconds’ notice. I like the way a woman reacts to her feet being touched, stimulated. I’ve met women who “hated feet” who were willing to try it, who wound up getting off on *just* that. Nerves go right up past the genitals, and people have no idea.
Question 9: That was all very enlightening. Are you planning any solo projects? Not like plugging assholes, but books?
Question 10: Do you have any hobbies that wouldn’t get you arrested if a cop walked up and wasn’t in on it?
Role-playing games, of the tabletop and video-game variety… at least, hopefully. People are generally shocked at how clean and vanilla my games are. They expect demons raping virgins, and here I am with “you need to get the knight’s sword back from the Orc tribe.” Also amateur astronomy.
Question 11: That comet last night was such a let down. The eclipse was okay, but I am never super stoked about penumbral eclipses. I have a set of high powered binoculars for those occasions, and those occasions only. Trust me. Anyway, so how have you liked your short stint as an indie author so far? Is it everything you hoped?
Question 12: Yeah, it’s nothing but grinding. All day long, and not the fun kind of grinding. That’s just to even get someone to give the slightest shit that you exist. It’s a rough market, unless you pretend to be someone else with ripped abs apparently. That shit is like cat nip. Do you plan to have a bigger presence this year?
Question 13: Well, if you ever need help with your site, I can help. I do that for a living after all. Partially. Though, I do a lot of things to make money, mostly non sexual. Do you have any advice you would give budding authors, or RPers thinking of diving into the industry?
Get yourself out there. Are you in an archaeology group that has a lot of members? Throw your rough and tumble first drafts up in that group. They’re just social media; don’t give a fuck. You need that one person who will want to see more, not the five thousand who go “LOL WTF FGT BRONY BITCH COCKSCUCKING CUNT-ASS PENCIL-DICK MOTHERFUCKER this is an archaeology group, please post that elsewhere.” Fuck them. You want the one person who says “hey, that’s interesting” and then follows your page.