By Kyle Perkins
So, this will be a new weekly feature on this blog every Sunday! I have grown bored of seeing the same questions being asked to authors in blog interviews and wanted to mix it up a bit. You know, the whole “So when is your next release?”, “What inspires you?” that whole bag. Basically, I want to get to know these authors and I’m sure that readers do too. So, let’s ask them questions they wouldn’t normally be asked so that we can all get to know your favorites a little bit. Deal?
Our first contestant comes at us from the balmy swamplands of America’s dick, Florida.
Please welcome, Lila Vale!
Question one: So, Lila.. Is it pronounced L-Eye-Lah or Lee-Lah?
Lila: The first one.
Question two: What’s your favorite position?
Lila: I’m just happy to be involved. Gun to my head, doggy.
Question three: I was talking about wrestling position, you sick bastard. Mine is the tie up. Do you have any weird hobbies? I’ll know if you’re lying.
Lila: LOL! Pile driver, then! For the record, I never claimed to be a saint! Unfortunately, my hobbies are pretty standard. Video games, Facebook lurking, obsessively researching horrifying events on Wikipedia. You know, the usual.
Question four: Obviously you use a pen name, why? Do you think it’s helped or hurt your writing career?
Lila: I made a blog post about this a while back, but it’s basically to prevent a handful of people from knowing I write smut. I’m not worried about myself, but my family would likely have to answer some awkward questions and I really don’t want to put them through that. Just feels selfish. And I think it’s hurt it in a way, at least the start up. I had to rebuild my friends and make new connections even though I’ve been on social media for over a decade. There’s this constant battle of trying to preserve my anonymity and wanting to share my life with my friends and fans in the book community. Really, I’ll probably keep the name but end up saying “fuck it” and going live sooner or later.
Question five: Very enlightening stuff, Lila. If you had to bang one, which would it be? Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton?
Lila: Jesus Christ.
Question six: Final answer?
Lila: I guess Trump. He has the equipment and there’s nothing better than a good hatefuck, amiright? I think I’m going to be sick. Thanks for that.
Question seven: You live in Florida, are the weird news stories a source of pride, or shame?
Lila: Pride. We keep it interesting, fuck living in a boring state! What is news even like in other states? Informative? Ew.
Question eight: Are there any book tropes you’re sick of seeing in romance books?
Lila: Too many, some that I’m guilty of, myself. The phrase, “wanted — no, needed” is one line that just needs to be rearranged or something, I’ve seen that exact phrase in so many books. Also too-perfect men. Oh he’s a gentleman and rich and faithful and great with animals, kids, and the elderly?” yawn. Gimme a flawed jerk with a heart of gold over that any day.
Question nine: If you had to eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be? Here’s the twist, the cook gets to “mess with the food” every time he prepares it. If you spot what he did, he has to make you a new dish, tamper free.
Lila: Oh gross. I want to say fries, I feel like those would be easy to notice certain tamperings.
Question ten: If you had to have a three way with two super heroes, who would you choose?
Lila: Deadpool and Iron Man, maybe.
Question eleven: Seems you have a thing for smart asses, how am I doing? Turned on yet?
Lila: I do. You’re very above average on the smart ass scale, so I’m basically your thrall at this point.
Question twelve: If you could go back in history and kill someone famous, who would it be? And why?
Lila: Man, I wouldn’t mess around with that shit. I know the natural response is like, Hitler… But who knows the ripple effect from that sort of thing? I’ve watched Butterfly Effect… No thanks man.
Final question(Thirteen for those of you who are astute mathematicians): Do you hope readers get turned on? Well, of course you do.. But do you like to imagine them jerking it to your words? Do you jerk it to your own?
Lila: I do hope they get turned on, it means I did my job! I don’t think about them jerking it, that feels sketchy. It is incredibly cool to know you’ve created something that evokes any kind of physical response from others, whether it be tears at an emotional scene or getting frisky after a sex scene. Yeah, I’ve turned myself on writing my stuff, in order to write it you have to start thinking about it and then, well… You know. Glad I could end it on that creepy note. Thanks, Kyle.